Candid Provocateurs on the Exeter Trial 2012 - Team Robert rides again

Flying helmets are in this winter. Allard J1 is never put of fashion

Now the mud has settled it's occurred to me that Team Robert's exploits in the 2012 Exeter Trial gave rise to  the best competitive result we've ever had. Subject to confirmation, we only failed two hills and found out later that one section was subsequently disregarded. But there were some highs and lows along the way and I don't mean the ruts on Marilyn - more on that/her later.

My lasting impression is of how well organised the 2012 Exeter Trial was. Bearing in mind that the marshals, and officials are all volunteers, they did a superb job. The queues were short and the holding controls metered out competitors like a well adjusted carb. Although closure of some sections was a shame and meant we didn't do the competitive sections we'd hoped to do, it was entirely the right decision and kept the entry field moving in a trial that tested the ability of the organisers as much as the crews. I take my goggles off to you, ladies and gentlemen - you rose to the occasion brilliantly.


I travelled up by train to spend Friday afternoon doing the final prep with Binky. The Candidi Provocatore Allard J1 hadn't done a lot of work over the winter and we had to fit a new fire extinguisher and tyre compressor. Actually, it compresses the air into the tyre but you knew that already.

Cause for most concern was a tendency to dive into oncoming traffic under braking. Binky dismantled the nearside front hub and found a sticky wheel cylinder. This could have been a show stopper. Mrs Binky had made it quite clear she didn't want her brave boys driving anything unsafe and we would never claim to have sorted something out when we hadn't. I've seen so many other people get caught out like that, (he added smugly).

So we set to and between us cajoled the seized piston to work properly.

Mrs Binky then inflicted food torture upon us and we both had a Lima-Lima-Delta (LLD = Little Lie Down) before setting off for Popham in high octane spirits for our departure, timed at 0030 on Saturday morning.

So who would take a great British V8 sportscar trailling?

The long drive west from the start was a bit damp but not enough to put the hood up. We travelled along the A303 to Sparkford Motor Museum, which is where the various start points from Plusha, Cirencester and Popham converged. We handed in our time sheet and during the subsequent wait had a full English breakfast ( I do this a lot when travelling abroad in England from Cornwall). I caught up with some old friends and met a few new faces while my driver wandered off into the museum itself, which was especially open. Our number was called and there was no sign of Binkers - it turned out he has having another Lima-Lima-Delta in the museum. It's actually a very interesting museum but he was just tired from the road mileage in the middle of the night, which is probably the most wearing aspect of doing a Classic Trial.

I located Binky with the help of the museum staff and we were off again, with more road miles to the first section. I was pleased to have got this far. Two previous attempts at entry ad proved to be not-so-heroic failures. Our stay at Sparkford had coincided with a brief downpour so we missed that.

The first section is traditionally Norman's Hump, which Binky described as his bête noire, having over-revved his Triumph Trophy when it was icy a few years ago. On the other hand he loved Clinton, a swoopy bumpy roller coaster under low branches. The word on the night was that loggers had torn up Norman's Hump too much to be usable so the Clerk of the Course and his team had created another one, which they had christened Marilyn on account of her curves. The prospect of doing Marilyn appealed to everyone. We all thought she'd be, er, easy.

The route card got a bit complicated then. I was reading it with a head torch and a damned fine head torch it was, too. It really made all the difference.

The only problem, was, I was also in charge of the headlamps switch, windscreen wipers and electric fans. the switches for these are all much easier for the navigator to reach so you really do need to be a co-driver. I only made a couple of errors but as we turned around Binky noticed a soft front tyre.

Our running number was only 10 from tail-end-charlie and as we average a low road speed we were by now at the pack of the trial with course closing car right on our tail. I pumped up the flat and at the next check point at Cusgrave Garage we quickly changed both fronts for a matched new pair of spares.

This was not good news because it meant we only one reserve boot if we got another puncture or two lighting up the tyres on rough section.

What a let down - we haven't even reached the first section yet and we're already a bit tyred. Those are what are known as "ugly" rims but I like them. Binky reckons the new boots made a vast difference to the grip we got. Moments later we were presented with club dinner tickets

There was also some confusion about incurring a penalty for early arrival at the control point. A lot of our fellow competitors do regularity trails and are hard wired to avoid this. In actual fact, penalties are only incurred at time control checkpoints and this wasn't one of them. However, I didn't hand in our card until we'd swapped all the wheels around when - lo! and behold - everybody else had disappeared, including the checkpoint staff. Fortunately, we could still be signed out by the closing car crew so - bang on schedule according to our number.

The only other car there by then was a Beetle with alternator failure. "Do you have tickets for the club supper?" they asked us. "We won't now be able to attend because we're about to retire but it would be good if someone else could at least go in our place to the noggin-and-natter."

I'm afraid I didn't catch your names, guys, and you'd removed your running numbers but thank you very much for this thoughtful gesture when it was Goodnight Vienna for you.

This light and shade theme marked the rest of the trial.

With the headlights of the course closure car close behind our flat spare tyre, we made haste to Marilyn where I misread the directions and we entered by the exit, annoying the hell out of a Marlin driver wearing a gimp mask. Then as we approached the first section failed cars began to come out by the exit. On of them was a very nice Imp Californian and I had to have a quick check they were okay.

By now it was light and we could see what was happening on Marilyn. Instead of her much-vaunted curves being switch back bends swooping up the hill, she was a series if dramatic ruts, lumps and bomb-holes making up a straight climb. For us in Class 7 there was a restart box but as we pulled up the engine died. Rob quickly re-started it and without running back the car got us to the top almost with a degree of contempt.

Clinton nearby was great and lived up to Rob's expectation. On the escape road we came across an MGB GT, which had suffered a broken fuel pipe right at the pump. We tried to give them a tow but couldn't attach their strop to anything substantial. Either everything underneath was protected by bash plates or our tyres gave too much rear overhang. We heard later they made it out of the woods and got recovered.

We found that Waterloo had been abandoned but subsequent hills were straight forward blasts up for us without any restarts and due to fuss free performances we soon found we were no longer tail end Charlie.

Dudley Sterry's highly developed MG mit kompressor und huffenpuffer

At Bulverton Steep, we cleaned the section to find Dudley Sterry refitting a bottom hose clip on his amazing blown MG. He'd still cleaned the section but had lost all his coolant. Fortunately, Binky had packed 5 litres so we were able to return some of the good turns we've received over the years from fellow competitors.

I saw the Imp again and they were pleased to have cleaned Bulverton, too, as did a 2CV with passengers in French costume. Style!

Binky and I looked vaguely steampunkish, with him in his flying helmet and me in my Breton fisherman's hat, which has a peak to keep the rain off my face, and my split screen goggles, which keep the dust out of my eyes. Yes, there was dust, despite the muddy conditions. The Allard inevitably got plastered, like a big dog rolling in something to hide its scent, and we were then treated to the aromatic delights of various types of mud being burnt onto the zorsts, brakes and ourselves. I particularly liked the smell of the mud on Rill Path. It smelt of burning beech wood, which I suppose it was in a deconstituted sort of way.

The Nipper Tucker Special normally nips and tucks round the rocks and trees.

At Exeter Services there was a time control stop and we had another English breakfast in best Cornishman abroad stylee. The cafe was already muddy when we got there, honest. Outside, the car park was full of interesting stuff and I at last caught up with the Tucker Nipper Special, which has a reputation far beyond its size but has, up to now, proved somewhat ellusive.

This Buick powered M-type Allard of William Holt and Nigel Brown was also running in the Trial and looks good muddy as well as clean. Something of an old friend this one.

I refilled our water container and walking back to the car noticed a puddle of the stuff forming under that Imp Californian. The crew were looking for radweld so I said to look out for us if problems persisted and  they needed some water.

Tillerton Steep featured a rare restart for us and from the opposite side of the valley we could hear how awkward it was proving. The Imp crew were by now filling their water carriers from the river and wisely decided to give this hill a miss. It initially proved tricky for us for we took some time to get going from the restart box. I could see each cleat on the nearside tyre barely moving round as I bounced for grip but over the roar of the engine someone shouted "Waggle the steering!" and when Binky did so, to our amazement, the Allard shouldered its way out of the holes in the rock and we reached the top. It'll be interesting to see if they give us that one but it looks likely from what the rest of guys told us..

Next up was Fingle, which Binky admitted to being his absolute fave. We swung up it fine style - it seemed to go on and on, one juicy bend and a scrabble for grip after another.

Unfortunately, on the exit track we saw Mike Warnes and his TR7. Mike is world famous on Engine Punk for offering to lend us another trials car when we couldn't get the Candidi Provocatore car ready for last year's Land's End. I subsequently heard that he had crap in the fuel pump and got going again after 3½ hours only to retire when it came to comtemplating Wooston Steep.

Wooston Steep had A boards. If nobody clears the section, whoever is closest wins. We didn't get close and it didn't look many got much further. We were still a bit disappointed though. It was the first time tha Allard had run out of grip but Binky reckoned he could've gunned it earlier if he hadn't been keeping a weather eye on our tyres.

And so we converged on Simms, the favourite for competitor and spectator alike.

Okay - so who else would take a great British V8 sportscar trailling?

I have to say how well organised the controls were. There were very few long queues except at Simms. Queuing is no fun when you could be in a village hall scoffing tea and cake with yer mates and soon Bickington will be getting an even bigger and posher one with the help of our patronage. We caught up with Dave Turner who trails the brown MX5 and he'd heard how we cleaned what and where. The Imp had made it that far and so had a TR7 V8 that sounded gorgeous but I was assured by its crew that it was really running like the proverbial bag of  bolts.

This Imp was still in the hunt at Ilsington for Simms so maybe they did find some Radweld.

At our allotted time we entered the approach lane, discussing how well to tackle the hill. We had a restart and where this was could be critical for our success. The nearer we got, the more we could hear the roar of engines, the squeal of tyres and the cheers from the crowd. Between us Binky and I know an awful lot of people but that car is far more famous and has many old friends who all said how pleased they were to see it. I was especially pleased to meet Robin Moore again after so long. We'd marshalled together on the Land's End something like twenty years ago at Treworld.

But then the mood changed.

There was a great "Oh!" from the crowd, followed by an ominous silence from beyond the trees. People were drifting back from watching and we caught snippets about how rough it was. Some said nobody had reached the A boards, for these were in operation here as well at Wooston Steep, while others said that coming back down again after a failure was worse than going up, which we sort of knew anyway and hoped to use as a spur not to have to come down backwards..

At last we heard another car leave the line but still couldn't see anything because we were too far back. You can imagine how the conversation in the lane stopped when the screams and shouts started. They didn't stop for some time, either, and it sounded like very concerned women were shouting "Fire!" although none of us could swear to it.

More and more people now came by, no longer in dribs and drabs. They opened the gate to the field below us and spectators began to go back to the village. Not many of the people that came passed us had seen what had happened because they'd taken that long to reach us but gradually we learned that an Austin 7 had rolled.

Next thing we knew, we were moving towards the section. The pair of Trojans in front of us turned up the Plantation escape road and the marshal waved us forward.

"It's us," said Binky.

"Ready when you are," I replied, as I took hold to bounce.

But the marshal shook his head.

"We're closing Simms," he said. "I'll give you a baulk. Please leave the section to your right as we have to clear the hill for the emergency services."

We learnt at the next control that the Parsons Special had rolled after the Austin 7 had been righted. This time, though, its bouncer had been hurt so the air ambulance was called, together with at least six other blue flashing lights that we saw through the gathering gloom on the approach to Tipley. Although, injured and with a broken jaw and awkwardly placed arm, we heard that the survivor was remarkably chipper. It was just going to take some clearing up when he'd eventually been safely removed for treatment.

We fluffed Tipley's restart through not giving it enough beans to get going. By rolling back and having a run up we managed to exit by the top though, unlike many others who had to descend in reverse.

At the top we put more pressure in our tyres for the road section to Slippery Sam. Binky reckoned he could hear a funny noise from the engine.

"Can you hear that?" he asked.

"Nope," I replied, loyally. I knew that he'd want to take the thing apart in the darkness, such is his degree of mechanical sympathy but I honestly couldn't hear anything.

We were climbing the narrow winding road out of Teignmouth with a load of traffic behind us when the misfiring started. Under load, it sounded really sick  and it wasn't until we were in top of the headland that we could pull over. The plugs looked okay, we had sparks okay and it would idle smoothly but under load it didn't want to play.

In the end we decided not to take it apart but to skip Slippery Sam and aim for a Finisher's Certificate. That was to prove quite difficult for the roads were busy and that brake cylinder began to stick again. If Binky booted the throttle, the engine cleared and threatened to run away with us and we had to find our hotel in Babbacombe when all we recognised was the Model Village and a doctor's surgery from previous adventures.

With the car sounding dreadful, we got there in the end and signed off, only to find that the last three sections had all been pulled. See what I mean about light and shade/shade and light?

So, eventually, it dawned on us that we'd had our best event ever and might get an award. This was tempered slightly by the knowledge that we hadn't attempted Waterloo or Simms or Slippery Sam. As Gerry Woolcott said at the club dinner it'll be interesting to see how they work out the results.

I really enjoyed the club dinner although Binky nearly had a Lima-Lima-Delta in his soup and was concentrating on his Jam Roly-Poly with his eyes shut. I suddenly didn't feel tired at all and as Top Cat would have said went "Mingle, mingle, mingle, blur, blur, blur".

I got a lift home in that Beemer afterwards and was pleasantly surprised at what capable motors these 16 valve 1.8 litres are. AX GTIs? I love 'em, me - the guy paid £500 for it and after 5,000 miles of competitive rallying he's taken the rollcage out and gone trialling with it. Who says they're fragile?

In the morning, James Smith and Stuart Crouch gave me a lift to Exeter St Davids in their ex-Dave Turner BMW318iS (now that IS an interesting car), leaving Binky with an intrigued AA man to see if they could get the Allard to go. Binky had turned in early the previous night but in my hyperactive post-event state I bumped into Roger and Caroline Ugalde. Caroline had nearly cleared Simms in her Beetle, barely feet away from the section ends boards and was still brimming with pleasure with barely a whiff of "what if".

Uncle Roger said "I had that same problem," when I described the Allard's symptoms to him. "It was a loose needle valve in the float chamber," he told me. I passed on this gold dust to the Binkster on Sunday and I am now pleased to report that it wasn't a holed piston, burnt valve or broken tappet as he'd thought.

It was - drumroll - blocked carburettor jets and Binky drove home under his own power. With our games of rock'n'roll we must've dislodged some dirt in the tank and are now plotting our 2012 Land's End campaign.

Looks like it might involve a carb rebuild and a rev-limiter for Binky's peace of mind but we are already looking forward to the LET hugely after an - in the end - surprisngly good Exeter.

Binky is usually fairly sensible. The Allard J1 made him do this

PS I went over to see Adrian Booth tonight to get his perspective of the trial from the other end of the car entry. The diff on his TR7 grounded out on Marilyn and then he rolled the car onto its side on Waterloo, without much damage fortunately. Waterloo was getting treacherous early on it seems and deteriorated from there on. Age fluffed another fairly straightforward section mid- way through the trial but nearly cleared Simm's though, getting passed the A boards but felt so knackered by then he decided to retire and make for home.The car seems to be working well, though.