My stance as Bob Blackman MP

Vote for me!

Thanks everyone for your messages of congratulation on my re-election as MP for Harrow East. I will admit to being a little surprised but am encouraged to think that I’ve been doing something right recently – although, on reflection perhaps I should say, instead of "right", the ethically proper thing to do.

However, I am saddened to see my views so mis-represented in the press, the TV and other anti-social media.

My views on gay marriage have been completely mis-represented. Let’s be quite clear – I am in favour of it. As a heterosexual man, I see marriage in the cultural and historically British sense as being a field of open and underhand conflict in which one spouse stops the other from doing the things they like. See how marriage is depicted in the media, the language on the street and moaned about in the workplace. Let’s face it – marriage needs reforming. Two people, who genuinely harbour affection for each other, should enable and support their partner. I believe the gay community can help modernise this out-of-date institution and turn it into a modern and supportive one that benefits the heterosexual community, instead of perpetuating the restrictive and loveless prison that is the culturally approved and traditional version.

And what anyone gets up to behind closed doors with someone they love is their business alone. Only an out-of-love saddo can get worked up about other people having a good time with each other.

I am unmarried so was not unfaithful to mywife. And I’m not a terrible lover according to my mistress because a) I don’t have a mistress (see my earlier comment on marital status) and b) I’m bloody brilliant!

What’s more – to that effect – I have glowing testimonials.

So there.

Don't vote for him. In fact, don't let him in to Westminster

Apparently, I am accused of falsifying expenses. I refute that but since all the records have been destroyed (a public scandal that seems to have been swept under the carpet of Westminster) it doesn’t look like I’m in any danger of being had up for this. Again let me be clear – I didn’t do it! I live in Cornwall anyway and do not have a second home in Harrow. Or vice versa.

And I’m a motorhead and engine punk. I would I ever want to go to a football ground to see overpaid prima donnas kick a pig’s bladder about and then claim ten miles for a two mile journey.

While we're on the subject of sport, if I'd been involved with the Olympics I would have ensured we had some motorsport events. (Not Formula 1)  That way it would at least have been interesting. 

He looks nothing like me. And that's not my handwriting ( you can read it for one thing...)

I support the Palestinians and believe that until they have somewhere to live there never will be peace in the middle east.

There is a campaign on social media to have me impeached because of my ineffectuality. This is not as a lover (once I have humility I will have everything) but as an MP. People claim that I have ignored pleas for help in protecting the public from the fraudulent activities of company directors.

I believe the public should be protected from this sort of thing and would ask anyone who is concerned to contact at my constituency office right away. Go on! Do it know!

Wow - that's one thing I agree on

Nobody should be at the mercy of business and, if foreign workers like me (I cross the border from Cornwall into England everyday to get to work) go unpaid and are then deemed to have made themselves "intentionally unemployed" if they refuse to work in such situations, then their employer has acted criminally and should be brought to justice.

I have been quoted as saying that this is not in the public interest. Clearly, it is. I want to know about employees being bullied by unscrupulous employers and will take action to protect hard working families and individuals everywhere.

Some people claim that I am the most inept MP. Give me a chance! It’s not my fault a minority government has rolled the clock back for industrial relations, social care and employment rights. I may be part of the “Me Now” generation but I don’t live by those values, where the only value is not to have any.

I must admit that I wasn’t aware that I was the MP for Harrow East until last week when the congratulatory e-mails began to arrive. This confirms what I felt about the recent election – that the results are not accurate of the population’s wishes. Cornwall is supposed to be all blue, for instance. It’s actually a hotbed of liberal anti-conformism. I don’t know anyone down here who voted conservative.

Apart from one. Okay two. Well, maybe three.

The point is I know a lot of people and tories are in a minority. And I don’t know anyone who favours turning the clock back to serfdom and a return to hunting live animals. 

And save the bees!

Blimey! I concur again

Finally – for the avoidance of any doubt – I am not a conservative. I am centre. I support free enterprise and the community. I am a motorist and a pedestrian. I use public transport, am an environmentalist who believes in sustainability and who wants to see greater investment in making stuff that people want. 

This could almost be a case of mistaken identity .

Whatever - this is the twenty-first century.

We are living in the future for which our ancestors made great sacrifices.

We should be living their dream not playing at patricians and slaves.

(I'm off to copyright my name in case of further misrepresentation)