2017 Land's End Trial

If you go down to Bishop's Wood at Easter....  an Allard J1 emerges from the bushes (Photo : Richard Davies)

In the weeks before Easter 2017, we had very little rain and the Land's End trial look set to take part in the driest conditions for many years. However, soon after setting off from Binky Towers near sunny Andover, we experienced heavy precipitation that was on occasions of Biblical Proportions. Note the capitals.

I can't see anything phallic about a well-polished MCC badge

Let's maximise the positive, though, it was by no means cold, what with 3.9 litres of foot warmer thundering away on the other side of a bulkhead so holey some cultures might worship it. I was just nice and without any religious fervour.

Oo look a sideacr! And it's the Cox-Triumph with Pete Adams

Felons Oak looked rough in our dancing headlamp beams but posed no problems and we made good time to Barcroft Control and Beggar's Roost. The old hill isn't as fierce as its reputation suggests.

When I started trialling, old sages would wag their beards knowingly about Beggar's Roost and call it The Imp Breaker. Note the capitals again.

"What car are you trialling?" they would then ask, to which I - of course - would reply "An Imp."

And they would go quiet at such youthful hopefulness and gaze into the fire and fortify themselves with some real ale as the wind howled outside, which is probably another memory of a ghost story or a similar sort of snug terror indulged by idle fireside chat, because this exchange indoubtedly took place in a darkened layby in the middle of nowhere without a fire or any sort of refreshment.

At any rate, Beggar's Roost is no problem for an Allard J1.

A chip off the old Tortilla - my steed from last year, the Ridge Cannon of Brian Partridge. Another of the Tortilla Chips, the Ditton Melos of Lee Peck, is alongside

We ate a prodigious amount of cake with our tea at Sutcombe (just for a change) and experienced our first delay at Darracott, where we parked in the little muddy stream called Marsland Water that marks the border between Devon and Cornwall.

If I had nore time at Hallworthy, I would have liked to have had a longer look at this car

The delay grew longer at Crackington where the hill was nothing like what it had been the day before. Some of our fellow competitors had checked it out the day before and thought it was going to be easy. However, overnight it must have rained muck overnight (it often happens around this time of year) and this was the first hill where I felt like I actually had to work as a bouncer.

As the Allard J1briefly slumbers next to the VW rail of Sam and Kevin Lindsay, Louise Ransome Headon arrives in her yellow peril

Laneskin is a favourite of mine. It's a long slog up a forestry track and the first time we attempted it 2 years ago, we bellied out just before the very tight turn at the top. Last year, when I passengered for Brian Partridge, we stormed it in style. This year, Binky judged it beautifully by maintaining just the right amount of momentum to get us over the final hump but not too much oomph to casue us to go straight on at the corner. He trickled it round and we were clean.

Stance works

Unfortunately, it was at Laneskin that Louise Ransome Headon, passengered by husband Lee in her yellow supercharged MX-5, retired. She'd had some punctures and without any more spares, Lee didn't like the look of the remaining covers on her car. Discretion being the better part of valour they chose to withdraw.

This lovely early Cannon caught our eye at Bishop's Path

There was no Warleggan this year, which is one of bête noires, but we still had to contend with Bishop's Path, Hoskin and Blue Hills 1, which is tricky for a car with a 100 inch wheelbase and Ackermann steering of a mostly aspirational variety.

Allard J1 on Bishop's Wood. Binks chooses carefully.... Photo Richard Davies

Binky played a blinder at Bishop's Path. He set the Allard up just right for the restart, at a slight angle that gave the front wheels the effect of pointing down hill. This helped get the plot rolling that little bit extra and minimised initial wheelspin.

Pedal to the metal is sometimes an entirely appropriate approach. It's knowing when, though. The Allard J1 gets away! Photo : Richard Davies

In short, we cleaned the section but, as you can see from Richard Davies' excellent pictures, there was some wheelspin. Not as much some people's though....

I look at this kind of image and start bouncing in my chair

We couldn't get it right on Hoskin, though. It looked quite unremarkable but we simply couldn't get away on the restart. After we had ignominiously descended backwards to the start line the marshall told us only about half a dozen had managed it.

Only a little bit annoyed we soon arrived at the control at Perranporth where there was a sidecar outfit on a trailer. And it was for sale.

More than ever on this event, any sidecar grabbed Binky's attention. The Cox-Triumph was a good scetion weapon but something about the riding position aggravated an old rugby injury of Rob's and he sold it to to Pete and Shani Adams, who have campaigned it ever since.

Perhaps it was reminiscing about our "balls-out, brain-off" climb of Bishop's Path on the Cox-Triumph every time we re-visited that section that awakened something in the awareness of my fellow Candid Provocateur but every outfit draws him close like the sirens luring Odysseus to his fate.

Oo look another outfit! Do they look like they're negotiating?

By now we were running very late, despite being one of the earloer runners as Number 143.

Oo look an engine! Gather round everybody...

We did alright on Blue Hills 1 despite jumping out of gear for the restart and the Allard shrugged off Blue Hills 2 with Binky again going for a low position on the restart box.

Worth gathering round, too. A Volumex supercharged Lancia twink lives in this Marlin

As we pumped up the tyres, a chap came over to talk to us. He'd waited all afternoon for is to appear and the crowd was quite small compared to other years on account of the cold and late running. He'd seen us in the programme and wanted to talk to us becasue years ago he had seen an Allard in a scrapyard down west. What really made Binky's ears prick up was when he said this poor abandoned car had a two speed back axle. If that was the case, Binks explained, this car might have been a works trials car. However, this was a long, long time ago and from his description I think the yard was probably Orchards yard at Carharrack. It had a number of old buses in it and a big pile of fifties Jags when I first went there. Oh for a time machine! And a heavy lift helicopter! There could have been another J1 under all those rusting cats.

The last hill was Old Stoney, which lived up to its name, but again we were clear and we arrived at the finish near Hayle relatively bright eyed and bushy-tailed, compared with the human rubble that usually pours out of the Allard's cockpit at the end of a Land's End.

We handed in our numbers and put in for a Silver award as Hoskin was the only stopper for us.

What had begaun as a dry trial had been altered by the overnight rain and the rumour was only a handful of cars had got off the resatrt at Hoskin.

Well, one of the advantages of not writing up this entry promptly after the event is that I can now reveal to you - dear reader - what our result was. We got a Bronze! We spent so long gassing with the scrapyard Allard spotter that we occurred a time penalty between Blue Hills 2 and signing off!

If we are not so chatty in the future that will be why. It's a shame because the social side is what we enjoy as much as anything.

"What are you looking at, zoid face?" "Just an Allard J1.""