Driving the Candidi Provocatores Allard J1 in the 2017 Testing Trial

I look a bit Afrika Korps in this shot. Ian looks very much at home in the Candidi Provocatores Allard J1. What a team! (Photo : Lee Peck)

This summer I had the opportunity to drive the Candidi Provocatores Allard J1 in the Motor Cycling Club's Testing Trial.  This was held in some grassy and gently undulating fields near the village of Keinton Mandeville in sunny Somerset. Very sunny it was, too.

I originally had in mind a gentle pootle around some country lanes instead of the white heat of offroad competition but, thanks to Binky, this was a double win. He had a family re-union to attend so wouldn’t be around for the Testing Trial and asked me – because that’s just the kinda guy he is – if I would like to take the wheel.

"Not arf," was my instant reply.

Binky, in case you were wondering, is Mr Robert Robinson-Collins (Gent) and before we were Candid Provocateurs we were collectively the Team Robert trials sidecar team of dubious reputation but exuberant cornering. Some years ago, he bought the Candidi Provocatores Allard and we have competed in many long-distance trials.

If I was Lou Reed, I would sing a song about a Perfect Day

The MCC Testing Trial is a different header tank of geraniums in that there are no road miles and you complete a circuit round a series of tight sections, consisting of cones and battens, against the clock. Penalties are awarded for squashed cones or broken battens so small nimble little cars with experienced pilots do well. Obviously, I am getting my excuses in early.

The only things were, as Rob wasn’t around, I would have to check fluid levels before awakening the old warhorse unsupervised. I would also have to find another bouncer. Fortunately, long-standing (as in upright on the footpegs) trialer, Mr Ian Rennie (also Gent), stepped up and I knew my way around the flathead V8 and transmission well enough after many years of competitive collusion with Binks.

I already knew the cockpit was quite cramped. The car was built for Goff Imhof, who is a lot smaller than of Team Robert, and the steering wheel is close to one's chest. This encourages an heroic elbows-out Nuvolari-style of driving. Consequently, I found I was using all sorts of muscles that had never steered a car before. It wasn't tiring. It was rather like learning to drive again. It's not rack and pinion steering, either. There's a steering box and lots of joints between you and the hubs. When Binky got the Allard, there was a little bit of wear in each one and he has progressively replaced them all. Even as a passenger, I could tell this had improved the handling tremendously but I can now appreciate what a culture shock it must have been for him originally. His daily drive is an MX5....

The A303 is not the Allard's natural habitat and, in heavy traffic but sunny weather, 55 mph seemed fasted enough. It took a lot of concentration and I can understand why Binky feels so tired after a classic trial and can easily take a nap between sections.

I found myself wondering how Imhof managed to drove it so quickly.

The trick, I found, was not to steer it too much. You have to fix a point on the horizon and aim for that without consciously using the steering wheel. I found certain bumps and road undulations could throw one off course. Gripping the wheel hard cause the car to weave. The wrong thing to do then was to tighten one's grip. It was better to maintain a constant and gentle pressure towards that point on the horizon. In this way the car came back on course. It wasn't easy at first because without the reassuring restraint of seatbelts I tended to use the big wheel to keep me in place.

It was a very hot day and the water temp gauge was hard against the stop at the hot end even with the electric fan on but it's always been like that and all the way down that woolly flathead V8 sounded fan-bleddy-tastic.

Reading the road ahead and taking a long-term view helped not only the steering but also the braking. The big drums are good but I was always aware of the car's weight and with that big tank full of fuel it could be a Tailwagger, like its trailing forebears. Hit a bump, brake and grab the wheel too hard and the Allard felt something of a loose cannon.

Describing this impression to Binky afterwards, he reckoned that I hadn't put enough air in the rear tyres so I'd like another go in it now with about 30psi in them, please, thank you.

Once I'd turned off a metalled road, however, the car felt loose stuff beneath its tyres, like a house cat feeling grass between its paws again. It felt much happier and I pulled into the paddock and began to look for Ian Rennie (Gent).

Suits you sir! Ian Rennie and Allard J1

Jovial Mr Rennie initially expressed some regrets at volunteering, as he had some reservations about getting out of the Allard. He thought his enthusiasm might have got the better of him but, in the event, he was fine and with some practice he could alight with a debonair swagger.

I have previously likened an MCC Testing Trial to a picnic with competition thrown in. Good company, some fantastic machinery and high-quality banter make the experience like a concentrated classic trial. We were very well catered for with a barbeque and lots of cake (I ate too much), all provided by local volunteers. The weather was splendid so sun screen and sun hat were de rigeur and some cars had overheating problems.

On the MCC trials we have small timed special tests that act as tie breakers if more than competitor gets up all the hills. The sections on the Testing Trial are like more complicated versions of those and we had three goes at them, whereas the Special Tests you only get to do once. Team Robert’s progress in MCC Special Tests has been described as “Gentlemanly” in the past so I was hoping for something a little less refined for the Testing Trial.

I think I succeeded in that. We had three goes all the way round but on subsequent circuits we were faced with subtle changes to the course. Just as I thought I had learned my way around I didn't know my way around. Instead of known unknowns, the sections became unknown unknowns (the worst sort).

Ian usually knew his way around. Years of trials experience helped him, of course, and I really should have listened to him, although he often said "Shouldn't that have been taken clockwise?" after the section ends board. Gates shifted slightly to the left or right and some mean person, who knew about trial driving and how to make it difficult, would move the cones. I found it difficult enough to read the section the first time around and, thinking that I had “got this”, assumed I could improve on my performance in the first round.

You get some very eclectic machinery at these events

In truth, everyone said that something with a wheelbase of 100 inches, like the Allard, was too large to do well. Go a little too fast and turn the big wheel and the front end just slides with the wheels optimistically pointing where they would like to go, especially on grass. On wet grass I might have been inclined (see what I did there?) to take the sections more gently but I was always conscious of the time and not so much about where we actually going.

The slaloms were disorientating, the gates at extreme angles and the cones sometimes so tight together I managed to drive over both of them. It was also very easy to go anti-clockwise when I should have gone clockwise. Some cones got squashed and a few battens were flattened. I am happy to say that I did not run over a marshal although I nearly did when Celia Walton who edits the MCC magazine, was helpfully standing in the way of an old gate as the new section ends gate was to her left. I pulled up in time and had to reverse a bit to adjust my course. She didn’t bat an eyelid.

I had a great time though. The Allard just digs in and grip and torque were never a problem provided I didn’t brake too hard.

I enjoyed seeing other people attempting the sections. Some were good, some were not. The solo motorcyclists and sidecar crews made each section look like a beautifully choreographed dance.

However, my own level of artistic interpretation of traffic cones left a lot to be desired and we won no prizes. I was just too excited to drive it properly! It sounds great when you goose the throttle and despite the heat on the day, it didn’t boil, (unlike others) and contemptuously shrugged off tree roots, grassy knolls and other deadly obstacles.

It was  arear honour to pilot such a piece of trialling history and am very grateful to Mr Robinson-Collins (Gent - did I mention this?) for letting me play with his car.

If I ever get another opportunity I will drive more slowly. (Yeah right). Knowing we will face unknown unknowns is now known.