It makes me wonder

I went to a strange gig tonight. I suppose my expectations were high, maybe too high, but I’ve come away feeling disappointed. Led Zeppellin tribute band A Whole Lotta Led played at Carnglaze Slate Caverns just down the road from me.

My neighbour Dave is a big Led Zepp fan and got the tickets. He’s known along our row of cottages as Dave the Ferret even though he no longer has any. I suppose it’s to distinguish him from all the other Daves, most of whom are called Andrew.

It’s just one of those surreal things that go on here. Like the house numbering system. Number 1’s at the bottom of the hill, Number 7’s at the top and I’m half way up at Number 16.

Anyway, Dave and I had been looked forward to this gig for weeks.

The Rum Store is a great venue but on entering I wasn’t sure I liked the rows of plastic chairs. Was this an indication of the sedentary nature of the anticipated audience? Were we too old to be expected to get up and get down?

After a couple of songs I looked at Dave and could tell he wasn’t enjoying himself. I hoped the band would get into the Led Zepp stadium rock groove but I had the impression they were more of a pub band. The musicians were obviously very good but the vocalist didn’t sound much like Robert Plant and once the lead guitarist had cranked up the volume we couldn’t hear much of the singing.

I thought it was just me and Dave for most of the rest of the audience seemed to be clapping enthusiastically.

There was no support. The band were due to play two sets with an interval but as they ended one song a woman climbed on the stage. I thought the fat lady was going to sing and that it was all over. She almost fell down as she took the mike and proceeded to harangue us for not enjoying the band enough. “I’m a friend of Robert Plant’s,” she said. “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

I don’t like being told what to like and maybe this incident clouded my opinion of the band. She certainly went on about it. In the end they turned the mike off on her.

Outside I bumped into Ellis my music teacher. He was there with his wife, sister and brother-in-law.

“What did you think?” we asked each other. “Not much,” was the reply. Liz reported that the word from the ladies’ bogs (do ladies’ have bogs or do they have lavatories – discuss) was that A Whole Lotta Led were going down like a lead balloon.

I didn’t like to talk about it too much in the gardens outside because we were probably surrounded by Led Zepp fans and I think tribute bands are very brave and have a hard part to play because of the inevitable comparisons. As Dave put it, “If they’re really so good, why are they playing other people’s songs?” But we weren’t the only ones to be voicing our reservations.

Dave had changed chairs at the start of the gig because some tall people were sat in front of us. After the interval they didn’t come back. Dave kept his bushwhacker’s hat on, though, which must have pleased the people behind him no end. In the caverns you can get drips from the roof. That was his excuse anyway. I think he was trying to hide after a bit.

For the second half, the tempo was better but the band went into too much improv for me. The drummer was brilliant but I’ve never been a fan of lengthy drum solos where the rest of the band leave the stage. He certainly got the audience going though. Maybe they’d had some beer but people began to stand up to dance.

Besides the drumming, we had more guitar solos and some cracking mandolin playing. Then there was a slot for the vocalist to show off. He tried hard but I got the giggles. He couldn’t carry it off. I turned to look at Dave and he was showing some teeth but not in a good way. We slumped down in our plastic chairs as some of the crowd applauded and leapt to their feet.

I didn’t see the others on the way out. They must have left earlier. We had all come as Led Zepp fans to celebrate a great band but the bands efforts had grated despite their best intentions. And best imitations. I felt sorry for them that they didn’t pull it off.

I had an awkward feeling that maybe A Whole Lotta Led knew they had an uphill struggle. It occurred to me that maybe the getting up to have a go at us was part of the act, as if an official endorsement by one of Mr Plant's conquests might get us on their side.

A Whole Lotta Led weren’t bad but they weren’t much like Led Zepp. How could they be?

On the way out I think I saw the lady from the interval. It looked like she was doubled up with some companion on a bench in the gardens, pretty much out of it, either through booze or emotion. It was dark despite being midsummer so I can’t be sure it was her but I had the distinct impression she hadn’t been allowed back into the caverns again.

For me, a stronger vocal performance would have helped. That was the trick with Led Zepp. It was the combination of Jimmy’s guitar playing and Robert’s singing that made them special. I also think A Whole Lotta Led could have played more songs during their double set instead of stringing out the ones they did play. I like three minute songs, maybe a little over four minutes if I’m pushed. There are so many Led Zepp songs to choose from. In my opinion they picked the wrong ones.

But many people there last night enjoyed them and got up and danced. There were some very striking blonde girls a few rows in front of us who really wicked wrigglers.

I didn’t feel like dancing, though. And my air guitar stayed in its case.