Royal Cornwall

This must have been one of the best Royal Cornwall Shows ever. The free-style motocrossers were amazing. When you see it on your screen it looks pretty cool but there's always the thought that it might have been digitally enhanced in someway. Seeing it done live - and while the guys are giving a running commentary on their helmet mikes - frankly had me dumbfounded.

Traditionally it rains for Royal Cornwall and I have a happy memory of pushing cars out of the car park when I was kid and getting spattered with tiny droplets of mud from the spinning wheels. Me and my gang looked a complete mess as we set off for home, wearing the badge of our strength and helpful natures but by the time we got home our clothes dried out and the little droplets of mud just brushed off. No mothers got amped about our dirty clothes so that really was a great day, collecting brochures and stickers and sitting on the tractors.

This year was the first time I've attended for about 10 years. On that occasion it didn't rain but it was spectacularly overcast. Somehow I got sunburnt. It must have been the wind.

But this year the weather was glorious. I didn't find it too hot. I had my sunhat and sunscreen. It was just right.

I found myself liking the Hawaiian dancers very much. Is it true Polynesain women have an extra vertebra to allow their hips to do that, that, that thing they do?

And I laughed out loud as an enormous entrant from the dog show - the biggest St Bernard/donkey cross you've ever seen - suddenly became incontinent and pooed its way blithely down one of the major thoroughfares at the show. Mum, Dad and all the kids then produced supermarket carrier bags and began to deal with the less than solid mephitic trail that stretched for a surprising distance. And they did this while eating ice creams. It was a joy to watch. I think they were expecting something of this nature. Their dog didn't react at all. I suppose all perception of anything is bred out of them so they don't panic during mountain rescues. If they'd had a nice sensible Jack Russell or a collie I don't think this would have happened. The dog would have communicated something. But it did look funny. Until I found I'd trodden in some of it. Thank goodness the government didn't tax carrier bags.

I was hoping to pick up some info about bio-fuels but didn't see anything apart from a tractor with a bio-diesel sticker on it.

I did, however, bump into none other than Phil Hosken, Mr Be-Tec engine himself. He was looking around for sunglasses for his daughter. And info on bio-fuels. He was there with the Trevithick Society and his wife and daughter were doing Cornish dancing. We were both hoping to see something aboutbio-fuels since it's an agricultural show and there were fuel protests in Cornwall this week along the A30 but between us drew a blank. Maybe we should've bought a programme.