An outstanding failure for the Candidi Provocatores

The sun begins to set on the Allard's new wiper motor

After the pleasant excess of Christmas and New Year, I was in the mood for adventure again in early January. Fortunately, for me this coincides with the Exeter Trial.

Team Robert, also known as the Candidi Provocatores - or me and my mate Binky (Mr Robert Robinson-Collins to you) - had an entry in the 2015 Exeter Trial and, unlike last year, the weather did not interfere with me getting up to Popham Airfield which is our chosen point of starting.

It had been raining hard and there was a lot of standing water visible in the fields as I travelled up by train. Regular readers may recall that last year lightning strikes struck the signalling in Cornwall and Devon, which meant that I had to drive to Honiton. That was the most westerly point from which trains were operating but this year the weather was relatively benign

Binky had been busy on the Allard since we cleaned all the hills on the last Land's End Trial. He'd fitted a new but vintage windscreen wiper motor and had the idler arm on the steering reconditioned by John Sartain, an ambulance owning mate of his. The idler arm sits under the rad and allows the steering to operate on the centrally pivotted split front axle. Binky subsequently replaced the track rod ends, as they getting a little notchy and the net result was the best steering Binky's ever had from a system that has many joints and pivots.

It's the start at Popham Airfield and George Osborn (not the giddy one) has already got his Proton muddy

Starters from Popham were at the back of the pack this year and running as No. 243 our start time wasn't until 23:33. On the way there from Andover we saw an accident on the westbound carriageway of the A303. I saw what looked like an up turned trailer in the police floodlights but I was subsequently dismayed to discover that this incident involved one of the Trojans that I admire so much.

Marc and Enno look remarkably awake for chaps who'd driven so far already.

At the start we were delighted to meet again Marc Schafer and Enno Shmandt in the black Toyota Celica GT that Micheal Linberg had driven in the 2014 Land's End. These guys had driven all the way from Bonn just to get to the start and were faced with a longer journey home from Devon provided they didn't damage the car too much. TuV regulations mean they couldn't raise the suspension like us brits can so they had fitted a full length bash plate. Marc still has his Renault 10 and intends to enter it in the Land's End once he's sorted out some fuel starvation problems that caused his retirement in last year's event.


Because of the accident, the westbound carriageway of the A303 was closed so we had to use Binky's local knowledge to make a diversion. We came across another road closure on the way to Sparkford and on the roundabout at the first fuel stop there was some funny business with a stolen car involving police and a stinger. After that, following the course was straightforward.

Even from the passenger's seat in the Allard, the improved steering was apparent. The old car didn't weave about like it used to (unless we had very low tyres pressures at the back) and Rob felt much more confident at speed.

This little Austin 7 special was on display at the Haynes museum

We had a long wait at the start control at the newly updated Haynes museum. We crashed out on the floor of the cafe after troughing on a full English breakafast. All the seats were already taken. I do yoga and the corpse pose - on your back, legs apart feet flopped out to the side and arms away from the body with the palms upward - is something of a speciality of mine. I know you are supposed to meditate in this position but it's so damned comfortable I always drift off.

In addition to the standard timing, where your number is your start time in minutes after the first competitor, the organisers had introduced extra buffers of time. For us late starters, the additional time was as much as 45 minutes so we were 288 minutes (4 hous and 48 minutes) behind our friends Shani and Pete Adams who were at Number 1 on Rob's old Cox-Triumph oufit.

Did this work? Well, we didn't have much waiting to do in the queues for the hills, apart from Simms. So I reckon it prevented traffic jams and hold ups later in the trial.

The first section was Classic Canes, which we failed last year due to being too cautious. This year there was no waiting about beforehand and we blasted through the thick mud . There was, however, some confusion about where to go afterwards. We met a gaggle of cars at the top trying to find the exit route and got confused by them. We almost came back down the section as it looked so different from the other direction in the dark but eventually worked it out for ourselves.

This wonderful Buckler had a prodigious thirst

 Underdown was a tight and nadgery forestry section just off the A30 but it proved no problem for despite the long wheelbase of the Allard. The approach and exit routes were very rough and almost as entertaining as the section itself.

While waiting in the short queue (quite  few people had probs on Underdown) the crew of the supercharged Buckler that we'd admired at Popham asked us if we had any fuel that we would be prepared to sell them. Michael and Andrew Hibberd weren't really expecting anyone to say yes but we had a big tank and kept it topped up for ballast. they didn't have enough hose to syphon the juice out but Binky hit upon the idea of undoing the fuel supply pile from the electric fuel pump and we topped them up that way - after we'd cleared the section, of course. After 15 years without much use the Buckler is now back in the sport but the recent addition of a supercharger seriously reduced the range that the 8 gallon tank could offer. After that initial nasty surprise they took advantage of every fuel stop.

The price of fuel seemed to come down as the trial proceeded. The Allard does about about 15mpg so we were delighted a litre had come down from about £1.32 last year to £1.12. We even spotted some for £1.07.

We cleaned Norman's Hump (with a restart for us) and Clinton and had our first run in with course closing car. They obviously remembered us from previous tail-end-Charlie exploits but this time we were going the second time around the forestry tracks involving these two sections and there was a fat gaggle of cars still to do Clinton way below us.  

From now on it was daylight and life got easier for me as I didn’t need a headtorch to read the route card. I think my vari-focal prescription needs changing. I had to peer so long at the instructions in the blustery conditions that Binky had to dip the lights himself – the foot operated switch is actually easier for me to operate by hand. I know – I have very long arms.

Waterloo was great fun although very tight for such a big trials car and Stretes and Bulverton Steep posed us no problems. It was very windy above Bulverton Steep, though, and the trees were really being shaken about with the gusts coming off the English Channel. The views inland were fantastic.

We came across Bill and Mark Rosten at one point. Their exhaust had come off on Underhill and caused a bit of a delay while they groveled in the mud in the dark under their Mark 2 Escort  car. It was still giving problems when we saw them just after daybreak. We managed to dig out some heavy duty cable ties to keep their wagon rolling.

We’ve had so much help from fellow competitors over the years, thanks to ignition switches failing and high performance coils giving up the ghost, that it was good to return the favour, what with zorst repairs and acting as a fuel bowser to greedy little Bucklers.

Although the weather was mild I was ready for another breakfast at Crealy Adventure Park and this was one of those all you can eat jobs. Some of us regard these as a challenge and I thought it was very good value, especially as they offered chocolate croissants in addition to the fry up. Lack of sleep seems to give me an appetite but sometimes, with all the bouncing and heavy food, I can feel a bit out of sorts. Not on this occasion, though.

By this stage we were running so closely to our allotted time that we took to loitering. The three quarter rule, where you need to be no earlier that three quarters of your allotted arrival time has caught some of our friends out in the past and this was the first time we felt really conscious of it. That 45 minute buffer annoyed some of our mates but does ration the flow of competitors and effect of failures on hills.

Not bad for £205. The Proton is still with us at Crealy.

In the end we loitered a little longer really necessary as we got talking to Celia Walton and George Osborn who were in George’s Proton. You might remember George who is innocent of ruining the country (oo, little bit political there) but responsible for interesting trials machinery. This Ebay bargain certainly proved game and was powered by Fairy Dust. The sticker on the back said so. The short term insurance was  abit steep but it was a Satria Sport and you know how hard insurance companies are on younger drivers...

At the top of Waterloo, the ground clearance which the engineers at Proton had deemed more than adequate somehow looked less than normal. George suspected a broken spring, possibly two.

Celia is also very convivial company and can spin a good yarn. We were soon in no danger of a time penalty thanks to this entertaining pair.

The Germans are still with us, too

On Tillerton Steep we had another restart and this one proved too much for us. The surface was very lumpy and consisted of polished rock. The handbrake wasn’t too reliable and despite a new bridge replacing the ford at the foot of the hill we ran back a little and then span the wheels as Binky fed the power in. With a run up we were fine but that was our first failure and it felt reminiscent of Warleggan on the Land's End - similar terrain, familiar faces among the marshals. the same restart judge, similar typical result.

Fingle Hill we cleaned in style and we were delighted to manage the restart on Wooston Steep. We had anticipated it being in a really nasty place but were, for once, pleasantly surprised.

One of the Cannons had a very unlucky bounce during their attempt on Wooston. They hit a tree and tore the steering arm out of the offside front hub.Those of us waiting to climb the hill had to make room for them as they made their way down to the road with the navigator/bouncer kicking the wheel straight every time a bump knocked it out skew. It was really tight getting out between the trees on that sunken forestry track and our hearts sank in sympathy.

There were three timed tests along the way and the one after Wooston was the last one. All we had to do was start on Line A, drive right over Line B, reverse back over Line B so that all wheels crossed the line a second time and then sprint to Line C to stop astride it. At least we didn’t overshoot this time, unlike some…

Rob’s times were getting quicker than ever although the marshals assured us we were still only average compared to everybody else.

By Ilsington Control we were more than ready for the tea and cake on offer. Who should we see there but Marc and Enno. They’d skipped a few sections on the advice of the course closing car but were determined to get round. We offered what advice we could about Simms. The general consensus was that it was best to blast it up the middle. We were by now among the last 20 cars and knew that conditions on the hill could have changed dramatically.

The Germans are still with us at Ilsington!

A minor drama occurred in the car park outside the village hall. Tim and Clive Naylor somehow managed to lock themselves out of the BMW Z3. With the hood up, we could only peer longingly through the glass at the keys smirking at us from the steering column. In the end, Time and Clive judiciously used big screwdrivers to prise a gap around the surprisingly hard soft top and with a few of us gently, and then not so gently, levering along the gap, somebody with long thin arms and a pair of long thin pliers managed to at last grip the button on the door and pull it upwards. With a collective sigh of relief they were back in the trial and we’d all learnt how to pinch a Z3 – they make very effective trials cars.

All these cars failed Simms as we were waiting

When we got to Simms, there was a long wait and we passed the time by quzzing those walking back to the village about the conditions. One lady said nothing had climbed up it for so long that she’d become board and was making for home.  

Among the many friendly faces we saw was that of Dave Turner, Rob’s trialling mate of many a year. Despite an injured foot he was determined to spectate and although hobbling  a bit he was obviously enjoying himself.

“What was the hill like?” we asked him.

He said it had deteriorated over the course of the afternoon and not much was now getting up. Even James Shallcross in his killer Peugeot 205 had to bump his way back down again and the Class 8 specials, with a narrow restart box bang on the left hand corner didn’t have any luck either.

Well, we tried not to join the refuseniks using the Class O section of Penhale’s Plantation as a failure route. Pondering our performance in the holding control of Lenda Lane, we couldn’t decide what lessons from experience there were. It all happened so fast but I seem to remember a big bump that merged with the foot of the bank on the left hand side. There wasn’t a wheel rut there. It looked to me as if there’d been what Cornish miners might call “a run of ground”. Anyway, we bounced off that and fell into some highly polished place holders and despite all my shouting we couldn’t waggle our front wheels or bounce or wiggle our way out of it.

We cleaned Tipley and marveled at the scrape marks on the stone steps on the exit route. Some suggested our German friends had been that way. Some must have been the work of George and Celia. Others had left their mark here as well. The Allard needed all its ground clearance to escape grounding out.

By now it was dark again and out came the head torch. At Slippery Sam we had our last restart and there was a short wait. A marshal from Simms joined the team on the hill as Simms had just been closed. He said that he’d expected us to get up without any trouble and shared our disappointment but gave us great heart when he told us that we’d got higher than anyone else had for some time. I don’t know if anyone else thought this but he considered our attempt to have been outstanding among the failures and we were delighted with this accolade.

Meanwhile George and Celia set off from the start line only to shortly return in reverse with their front bumper dragging along behind them. Then it was our turn.

In our headlights, the surface Slippery Sam’s restart box looked very rough yet polished and I think Binky did the right thing by stopping quite high in the box, which is not his usual approach  Alas, we were in the wrong place to find grip and after a quick smoke up of the tyres we bogged down. We had a little run at it and as expected managed not to require a tow or bump all the way back down again like we had Simms.

William Moffat had some ignition problems with his Troll but still managed to finish

So no award for us this year but we finished and consoled ourselves with the thought of our outstanding failure, as independently verified by an unknown and unverified marshal we met in the dark.

And at the finish at the Trecarn Hotal in Babbacombe we found Marc and Enno having  a well earned beer and that a certain proton had dragged itself and George and Celia round the course and survived.

It's almost enough to make a chap rush out and buy a Celica GT or (for £205) a Proton Satria Sport. They have roofs and doors and windows...

As usual, there were so many people to talk to and so much to be said to them all but I would really like to have known how these German guys got to know about MCC Classic Trials such as the Exeter Trial and the Land’s End.

On the way to the after-event meal with the Urens, Bricknells and Greenslades, we discovered that the Exeter Trial is a thing of mystery and wonder to the taxi drivers around Torquay. They knew large numbers of muddy vehicles appeared on the streets around this time very year but had no idea why.

Hard core! Changing a diff before the journey back

Maybe Tiff Needell’s guest drive in Dick Bolt’s Escort will bring the event to the awareness of the masses. I see it’s on Youtube already – such is the power of our celebratory culture.

In any case, it was another great event. We had a few parallel universe experiences the following morning talking to people who’d done Class O but generally I think Class O is a good thing as it broadens the scope for those who don’t want to damage their cars too much. I do think that it over stretches the marshalling requirements, however, and that maybe running what is effectively two trials side-by-side is over ambitious but we experienced fewer delays than ever so the organization is working really very well. For what is really “only” a bunch of enthusiastic amateurs, the MCC does a bloody fine job.

About to head for home. The Candidi Provocatores Allard J1 and Binky contemplate the very recent past in Torbay.